People Pleasing vs Making People Happy

woman closing her eyes against sun light standing near purple petaled flower plant

As a recovering People Pleaser, I know a fair bit about this subject and found it one of the hardest habits to kick.

The reason it’s a hard habit to kick is because, much of the time, we don’t know we are doing it.

I guess, if you’re a fellow people pleaser, you may of picked up the habit in an attempt to have others praise you and make you feel worthy.

When they say things like ‘ oh that’s so kind of you ‘ ‘ Aren’t you lovely ‘ ‘ Wow you’re so clever ‘, it makes us feel special, worthy and gives us a nice little boost.

The thing is, we should feel worthy and special regardless. We shouldn’t have to be pleasing others to feel to feel enough.

This behaviour can very often take over and divert us away from what we need to do to make ourselves happy as we are so busy attempting to please everyone else.


So, what I found to be really useful and has helped me steer away from a people pleasing pattern is this..

Recognise the difference between –

  1. People Pleasing – Trying to make someone else happy so they will see your worth and let you know.
  2. Making Someone Happy – Because they deserve to feel happy and you care for them enough to make this happen, without any recognition, praise etc

Can you see the outcomes of Number 1 and 2 are different?

Number 1 ends up being about you

Number 2 ends up being about them

  • Stop yourself in your tracks and ask yourself the question – Am doing this for recognition and self worth or to genuinely make a difference regards of the outcome?

You may find, like I did, that your next move changes according to the answer to this question.

And remember, If you are doing something for someone else as the detriment of your own wellbeing – it’s a massive no.

How I can help you

Believe it or not, People Pleasing belongs to the whole Self Love family. Which I know many people think is woo woo talk but it is in-fact the essence of who you are and everything you will be.

Would you really be spending your time People Pleasing to gain self worth and identity if you knew you were enough anyway?

If you are pretty sure this is you, you will undoubtedly struggle to raise the bar on your own life in many areas. You may find it hard to speak your mind in a relationship or at work. It could be that you may not know your likes and dislikes anymore. You might struggle to find a healthy relationship that lasts. It could be that you don’t go for a promotion or start your own business.

Addressing the whole Self Love thing may sound a fluffy thing to do but it is the complete foundation of everything else that WILL be in your life.

Below is a link to my 1-2-1 Coaching Program where I will move you right to the centre of believing in your skills, your worthiness in relationships and a strong worthiness of salary, title and vocation positioning.

I look forward to hearing from you with any questions you may have.

Warm wishes

Emma x

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