I would hate to even make a guess as how many people are simply existing in the world and not truly living. We get caught right? we get wrapped up in our jobs, to do lists, school events to attend, housework just to get us through till the next day.

What about the loop we get stuck in within our own minds? the loop of being there for everyone else, limiting ourselves career wise, not allowing time to explore our desires, staying stuck in relationships that are broken, not knowing who we really are and how we can draw our gifts from the depths of our being and sprinkle it all over the world.

I’m sure, like many of you reading this, you can relate to what I am saying.

Let me share with you 3 personal scenarios that highlight different aspects of my existing not living.

1. Rewind back to the early 90’s when I was at a full time college for the performing arts. I was brushing shoulders with the best of the best, in the dance world, from around the country and talent wise i’d say – ‘I held my own’. I wasn’t in the top few most talented but I certainly had something. So, I noticed myself on many occasions in a dance class, moving aside to allow enough space for other students or moving out the way so they had the option of going in front of me. I noticed I even did this in auditions. (This is not what you do in the performing arts world, you show up and own your stage) It wasn’t until a teacher I admired and respected turned to me one day and said ‘Why are you dancing like you’re apologising for yourself’? That hit hard. I wasn’t fully immersing myself into my art, I was concerned about failing, judgement, not being enough. So I stayed small. I was simply existing, protecting myself from external and internal disappointment.
2. Bloody postnatal depression. Following the birth of my 2 eldest children, I suffered with this to the extent where I chose, both times, to be medicated. The first time was hideous. A new mum, no available knowledge of pnd (this was 2001) feeling alone, sad, defeated. What I didn’t expect is that when I started to feel better and feel like myself again, I was super cautious. My mental health had taken such a knock, my confidence was low and I felt perpetually in fear that the depression would show up again. So, I played small. I didn’t put myself into situations I may not of been able to handle, I shielded myself from anything too emotional or taxing and I made my life simply about serving those close to me. Again, I was existing.
3. Summer of 2012, it came to the surface that I was unable to be in a marriage where I felt we were no longer a match, where I was unable to grow into the person I needed to be in this world, where my dreams were not a priority and where the survival of our marriage was based on my flexibility. This was another turning point in my life where I decided that I would no longer exist but I wanted to LIVE – I wanted to feel again, I wanted to be inspired, driven, acknowledged. I wanted to feel happy not by people pleasing but by finding my voice and sharing without judgement from those in my inner circle. I had been existing.

Each of these points in my life were ones that stand out as being crucial to my lifes growth. Only by noticing my feelings in these situations, did it bring me to the point where I then had the option to choose.

Would I stay being small, unfulfilled, numb? or would I allow myself the opportunity to see what I was made of?

For me, I can handle lots’ of moments in my life where I feel I messed up. But, I know me, and I know I won’t be able to handle regret. I cannot let myself down or let my children see me not striving to become my highest self.

Obviously, we get stuck in our life situations and trapped in our own heads. I guess the real questions is ‘what feels more painful’. It was more painful for me to be lying to myself and existing than it was to be deal with the ‘elephant in the room’, stopping me from moving on.

But, before you assess your existing vs living, know this;

As humans, we are supposed to evolve and grow through life as we experience situations on our journey. This is natural, this is normal. You are supposed to fulfill your desires, help a cause you feel passionate about, experiment with your talents. You should try new things, keep learning, love from the heart. And you should be loved for who you truly are and speak honestly and proudly etc.

Sometimes this may require you to stand up and tackle the ‘elephant in the room’ or heal from past trauma. Sometimes it will require you to leave behind things/people that do not align with the person you are anymore. Very often it will mean tackling your self belief and how you view yourself.

But, it will always require you to be honest with yourself. Don’t allow yourself to play the fool. You need to be comfortable with living with yourself more than anyone else in the entire world.

I am not knocking myself or anyone else that stays in existing mode for a spell. This I feel is part of our growth process, it allows thinking time. What is important is the desire to move through it. To move back to a place of living.

Feel free to check out the courses I have available to help you achieve Fully Living https://theblissfullife.org/life-coaching-service/

Full 8 Week Course available or you can take the course in separate stages 1- 4 starting with ‘Fundamentally YOU’.

Happy to answer any questions via email or social media.